THERE was a stunned silence for a moment, then it seemed like everyone in the court room looked towards me.

Lawyers, clerks, policemen, people in the gallery, all staring, bewildered, bemused, mystified.

I swallowed, trying hard to hide the fact that my mouth had suddenly gone dry.

The sheriff turned towards me, pushed his reading glasses from the bridge of his aquiline nose to the top of his head with a long, veiny, white finger and eyed me suspiciously.

There was a long, deliberate, excruciating pause, during which I attempted not to breathe, further contributing to the vague, nauseating feeling that I might be about to pass out.

Finally, he spoke in the authoritative tone that only a career sitting in court passing judgement on the guilty can produce.

‘And exactly who, Mr McIntosh, might Kerry Katona be?’

It had all started with the very best of intentions.

A client of mine, quite thin herself, had her two Collie dogs seized by a welfare organisation because (following vexatious complaints by a belligerent neighbour) it had decided they were underweight.

After her lawyer contacted me, I read the reports and saw that, once they had been transported half way across the country to be examined by a vet, it was noted they were hyperactive in the consulting room and apparently as happy as Larry, but still the professional conclusion was that they were the worst cases of animal cruelty the practice had ever seen.

Thinking to myself that they couldn't have seen much, I resolved to try and mitigate the situation for her.

There is plenty of strong evidence to show that obesity is bad for you. Defined as having a bodyweight more than 20 per cent over the ideal, obesity contributes to heart problems, arthritis, respiratory conditions, diabetes, pancreatitis and skin issues.

Indeed, research indicates that just 10 per cent bodyweight loss can result in a 60 per cent improvement in the clinical signs seen with joint disease.

There is no information, however, to prove that being slightly underweight is detrimental to health.

The Animal Welfare Act 2006, nevertheless, lays down the 'five freedoms', one of which is 'freedom from hunger' (but then try explaining that to a Labrador!).

The others, for reference, are freedom from discomfort (obesity!), freedom from pain, injury or disease (obesity!), freedom to express normal behavior (obesity!) and freedom from fear and distress (removal from home and transport across the country!).

And that is the dilemma for owners.

Everywhere there is pressure to reduce weight. Animal charities run competitions for pet slimmers. Vets everywhere extol the virtues of slender animal companions. And so, inevitably, some people overdo it.

Not through a lack of care or concern but just the opposite, ending up with pets are that a little too thin. Remarkably, instead of offering advice, some welfare organisations are quick to prosecute (though I have yet to hear about the keepers of fat dogs being taken to task).

And so that is how I ended up in court, trying to explain that the physique of Mo Farah was healthier than that of Kerry Katona.

Fat chance of the sheriff catching my drift.