FOR one whole year now there have been roadworks on the main road between the Port and Greenock.

Firstly, it was all the water board stuff at Ladyburn. We were all incredibly patient. It was for the long term good. We learned about the right way to go from two lanes down to one.

Now it’s the bottom of Ratho Street. Pipelaying of sorts. Both sides of the road affected. We’ve forgotten how to go from two lanes to one and no signs now to remind us.

Quite dreadful at times. A rat run through the Gibby can be a great idea depending on the time of day.

But hey, let’s resurface Weir Street. Let’s shut it for a week. What? Honestly? Do you not know about the main road. Yes, we know, but that’s someone else’s responsibility. Do you not talk to them? Do you not join up your thinking? This is not going to help, you know! This is going to annoy a lot of people!

Aye, there’s always Dougliehill. Rural gridlock up there is now the order of the day!

Inverclyde! One road in and one road out. Twenty-six sets of lights from the Port to Gourock. Probably more now. They breed them around here!

Drive from Glasgow to Gourock and the Port is the halfway point of your journey. No wonder Amazon did a runner!

If we are serious about attracting business and industry to Inverclyde we really need to get this sorted. Local tradesmen going from job to job. The frustrations of delivery drivers. Blue lights. It’s a serious matter that needs addressed sooner rather than later.

The answer though is not obvious. A road along the riverside is a non-starter. Could we widen what we have? Difficult! Is there an obvious parallel route to the south? Not really and too residential. Higher up the hill things become pretty steep.

And then we are back up at Dougliehill. Should we upgrade things up there? Make it two lanes? Or fire a new road right across the fields? Or what about yon basic road that was made for the windfarms? It’s pushing you away from the town a bit right enough, but it could be a useful alternative at times. This has all been mooted before.

No, it’s not an easy answer at all. A lot of imagination and a big pothole of money is going to be required, both of which are in short supply.

But if we can’t think of where we could put a new road then we’ve got to see how we can make the one we have move more freely. The drawing board will need to come out. We should start by binning every set of lights. We’ve been conned into a few of these over the years. The best traffic light salesman in the country is from around here!

We can always stick the odd set back in if there are enough crashes to warrant it. Motoring will be so much more relaxed as we glide along the free flowing A8 supping our drive-thro caffiene hit! Oh, don’t start me on that nonsense! I see them every morning. Have you no’ got a kettle in the hoose pal?

Anyway, everything should soon be fixed. We will forget all about the delays.

Then they’ll start on that bit at Bogston!